Captain Ozone, moments before raping and murdering a whole class room of children (possibly).

I'm back, to an extent.

Headline: Master Legend acts Strange - People unsurprised.

Apparently a memory that's longer than a gold fish isn't one of Master Legend's superpowers. I guess I'm just expecting too much from an avenging Archangel.

Sorry, "Arc Angel."

Seriously fellas, Archangel.

Oh crud...

This was waiting for me in my inbox this morning...

Recipient Information:


(My e-mail address, home address and real name, all removed for privacy reasons)


Sent via: E-mail

Re: Demand to Cease and Desist and Retract Libel

Law Offices

Sandefer Law Firm

711 S. Belcher Rd Clearwater FL 33764

Phone: 727-726-5297



April 1st, 2010

Via Email.

Dear (My real name)

This law firm represents (Captain Ozone and his real name), and we have been asked to write this letter to you. Many of your statements about (Captain Ozone) on your web blog are untrue and defamatory. You made them maliciously to injure (Captain Ozone) in his actions and profession. As such, they are defamatory, this letter constitutes a demand for immediate retraction in writing of these false and libelous statements. In accordance with Florida Libel Laws,  (Captain Ozone) demands that your retraction and correction be accompanied by an editorial in which you specifically repudiated your libelous statements.



Your web postings and conduct also constitute tortious interference with the business and
actions of (Captain Ozone). As such, they are actionable and expose you to the imposition of
compensatory as well as punitive damages. Below, we have noted some of the more patent,
malicious, and libelious comments made by you on your web blog; some of them also evidence your tortuous interference. If (Captain Ozone) is forced to file suit to stop your wrongful conduct, he will also seek an award of his attorney fees and litigation expenses.



1. In your postings, you repeatedly stated that (Captain Ozone) sexually assaulted and committed the crime of homicide, despite knowing that these statements were false, libelous and malicious.

2. In your web entries, specifically the one of March 31st, 2010, you consistently and falsely stated the actions of (Captain Ozone) in order to defame him, and make him lose credibility in his field as an activist.

Many of these errors have been previously brought to your attention. Also, on occasion you have admitted that your postings exceeded the bounds of free speech. Your failure to correct your erroneous and false statements and their repetition after notice of their falsehood constitutes further publication of libel. It also confirms your malicious intent. If you do not immediately publish the requested retraction, and cease and desist from tortuous interference and making false and malicious comments about (Captain Ozone) we will file suit against you.

Please govern yourself accordingly.

Sincerely yours,

(Guy from Sandefer Law Firm)

The Ozone Files.

Disclaimer: If you're easily offended, stupid, or both please feel free to read this, just don't spam my comment section.

Did Captain Ozone rape and kill a person in 2039?

Good evening, America,

Many people know of the costumed activist Captain Ozone, but many people do not know of the rumours that supposedly have dogged this caped crusader throughout time, starting in the year 2039 and reaching far back to the year 2010…he’s a time traveler, sometimes things get complicated.

Some people suggest that Captain Ozone raped and killed a person in 2039. Now, I personally do not believe that Captain Ozone raped and killed a person in 2039, however, it would explain why he traveled back in time, perhaps it was to avoid prosecution? Captain Ozone raping and killing a person in the future could also explain why he chooses to wear not just one mask, but two masks, perhaps it is to hide his shame, or to hide himself from anyone else who may recognize him as a person who raped and murdered a girl in 2039, if he did it at all. Even worse, perhaps it is to hide his identity from anyone else he decides to rape and murder, if he rapes and murders at all (which he probably doesn’t.)

This alleged sexual assault and homicide could also explain why he chooses to dedicate himself to protecting the environment: Perhaps it is out of guilt for the rape and the murder he may have committed, or perhaps he is just ensuring that the future has more potential victims for him to sexually assault and then brutally murder, if he ever really has committed these horrible crimes to begin with.

Even more incriminating, if these wild, and probably false, rumors are to be taken as fact, is Captain Ozone’s “Rape Mobile” as some in the media has called it, a modified automobile with a toilet seat on the roof, perfect for perching on and surveying potential rape and murder victims, if that’s what he actually uses it for.

Even worse, Ozone has been proven to have a harmful effect on the human lungs. Perhaps, if Captain Ozone did rape and murder someone, though he probably didn’t, maybe, he didn’t mean to murder them, perhaps it was an accidental death as a result of exposure to the various gasses he expels.

I’m going to state this again, I don’t believe that Captain Ozone raped or murdered anyone, I'm just a guy who likes to ask questions; however, at the time of my writing this, he has yet to deny these shocking allegations, or even stated his opinion on raping or murdering. His silence is damning, and it is only safe to assume that Captain Ozone did rape and murder a young person in 2039, though he may not have.

A time travelling rapist and murderer could act with impunity in the past, ravaging people with careless disregard to the fragile time stream. And is it possible that Captain Ozone travelled back in time to cover up the many rapes and murders against young people he committed in the future? It’s possible and there’s no evidence to the contrary.

Perhaps Captain Ozone didn’t commit these terrible, reprehensible crimes, however, he still hasn’t systematically dispelled those rumours or provided any evidence to suggest that he wasn’t responsible for a single, or perhaps even a spree, or rapes and murders in the year 2039. Until he has, we have to hold him responsible and continue to ask him to come forward with clearing evidence. We have to ask questions, America, and hold those responsible for the various rapes and murders we suggest they committed.

If Captain Ozone, or anyone, can provide any evidence either supporting or dismissing these claims, the Nema-Mail is always open.

Source:
http://gb1990.com/


Ps. This really is satire, if you don’t understand it, it’s not my fault.

The Skull Files

(Tothian and the White Skull, a forbidden romance)

Editors Note: I'd just like to remind everyone that this is just my crackpot theory. I have no way of proving any of this.

Beyond the beaches, past the alien jungle and over the mound of rotting native corpses lay a solitary beach house. Now, this was no beach house to scoff at, equipped with the most exotic and top of the line technologies and wonders that one could imagine, and furnished with some of the finest fixtures and fittings one would expect. Glamorous and unusual, and equipped with a wide variety of kill bots and doomsday machines, this was the vacation house of a villain. Not just any villain, mind you, no, one of the greats.

This is where Crimson Nematode found himself, alone save for his team of scientists, action interns, accountants, personal assistants, chauffeurs and personal cooks. So very alone. This was his first time he had been to Dimension Z since his crushing defeat at the hands of the White Skull. The battle had cost him billions of dollars, hundreds of thousands of Native lives, and even Professor Kanye West.

The Crimson Nematode was here to reflect on the loss of one of his trusted confidants,

"But Sir!" Murphy, his new assistant said in a consoling voice, "Why do you care about White Skull leaving ROACH? He's a hero now! A hero most vile!"

There was a pause.

Followed by a deafening pop. A small, greasy smear was all that remained of the Crimson Nematode's latest assistant.

"Okay, look." Nematode said as he lowered his Beamerizer Ray, "He's not a hero."

"Yes he is." Stated Murphy's replacement, McNeelly, "He posted on the forums! He's ingrained himself in their community."

"Yes, I'm aware." Nematode said as he lifted up his space helmet and pinched his brow, "But he's not a hero. He's a villain."

"But he walks among the Heroes!"

"He's still villainous...sort of..." Nematode said, "Look, it's complicated. Everyone sit down."

A hushed tone took over the room, followed by every member of the Nematode's entourage sitting down cross legged in front of him as he leaned himself against a wall.

"Okay, sit down and shut up. The Skull's still a villain. Mostly." Crimson Nematode explained, gesturing with his hands as he spoke, "His Villain life was seeping into his personal life. That's a big no-no. You see, while we have our villain persona and our secret identities, heroes don't, not really, because-"

"Because heroes have no lives!" Exclaimed one of the junior interns.

"Right! Well, not really. While we keep our two lives separate, with Heroes the line tends to get blurred. It gets into a complicated 'which identity is the true one' argument. Like, is Bruce Wayne the real personality or is Batman? But whatever, that's a story for another time, now don't interrupt again." Nematode said, halfheartedly threatening the minion with his raygun, "So he needed a way out. And he really couldn't just drop off the radar. Heroes, and the greater problem, their shit stupid fans, don't really let anything go."

"Like how we're still getting flak over that DC Guardian shit?" Exclaimed Nematode's sous-chef.


"Right. You see, in that example, even though we've buried the hatchet with DC Guardian, his fans are a consistent pain in our collective asses. Now, like I said, one of the RLSH fanboys decided to threaten Skull's life. And that ain't cool." The Crimson Nematode's best sonic the hedgehog impersonation was lost on most of his followers.

The Crimson Nematode paused and helped himself to one of the beers in the White Skull's fridge, making sure to avoid the poisoned ones, "Anyways, like I said, even if he gave up being a villain, he'd still have a big old target on the back of his skull. So he did something incredibly smart -"

"He became a hero!" One of the scientists said, before Nematode smashed the bottle of beer over his head and jammed the shards into his face. The bloody, pulped scientist fell to the ground dead, and the Crimson Nematode continued his story;

"No. He pretended to redeem himself." There was a confused silence, "If there's one thing that heroes like more than defeating a villain, it's reforming one. Hawkeye used to be an Iron Man villain before joining the Avengers, Magneto was part of the X-men for awhile, there's also Quicksilver, Silver Surfer, Deadpool, Sabertooth, Juggernaut, Scarlet Witch, the Phoenix, Venom, the Punisher, Wolverine, all of them were villains and all of them have been heroes as well. Comic book nerds eat this shit up. Skull knows this."

There were a few 'aahs' and 'oohs'


"So Skull goes to their forums, says he's seen the light, that he doesn't believe in the ROACH way and that some of the heroes are doing genuine good. Same time he gets to criticize the really insane ones. Now he's got some heroes thinking he's a balancing voice of reason. He gets a wider audience to write to, and he doesn't get the death threats anymore."

There was silence.

"Wouldn't they see through this incredibly insincere facade?" Asked Nematode's acting coach.

"No, because Heroes are all retarded." Crimson Nematode stated.

There was more silence.

"Becoming a hero is stupid." The Crimson Nematode stated as he folded his arms over his chest, "The White Skull isn't a hero, and he isn't stupid."

"The White Skull is a fucking genius." 

Wanted – A few Evil men

Greetings mortals,

Okay that opening line is a little misleading, I’m mortal too. Perhaps it would have been easier to say greetings peons. Wait, that’s no good either, the vast majority of my followers are people I respect, my cohorts, and my peers. Even if I am an evil jerk and a malicious, slanderous, sardonic prick, I still respect other villains who are in the same field as me…to an extent.

Regardless, a broad, generic greeting to my readers,

If you have been following my activities on the blogs I follow, which you probably do since I follow the vast majority of the people who follow me, you’ll see that I’ve once again become active, to an extent. I lost a bit of steam as real life issues began to stack up, and unlike Peter Parker, who has to balance his real life and his superhero responsibilities, being a villain allows me a little bit of flexibility and the ability to sink once more in to the shadows to loom, wait and watch for the proper moment to strike once again.
Unfortunately that moment never really rolled around.

I really was waiting for Foxfire to respond to my various evil challenges, but she hasn’t really acted since she announced that she defeated a mountain.

For that she gets a golf clap. Bravo. I'm still glad that with all your poorly defined, magical powers and the ability to...do...magic things...you've directed your vast powers at stopping mountains from being...mountainous?

I need a more active nemesis. Someone who can mirror my energy. What would happen if Joker threatened to blow up the city and Batman decided to sit back and stuff his face with twinkies? What would be the Joker’s incentive to blow anything up?

So a new nemesis spot is open. I’m taking applicants and reccomendations.

I’m also looking for a henchman. Someone who wants to update Terror Blog while I’m away doing super villainy things. I’ll have to be shrewd with my application process, and any rejects will be promptly in oil to ensure they don’t move to another company. However, if you do manage to survive the application process, you will be granted limited access to some of the higher functions of one of the greatest super villain organizations in North America, your own office, access to the company gym, the company time machine, and the company bioterrorism laboratory. We offer medical and dental, but the company doctor, Dr. Hideous, has the tendency to ignore the Hippocratic Oath…and also liquefy his patients.

Rebuilding Terror Inc will be a long process, especially since I’m so lazy.

As always, for suggestions, applications or recommendations, please send them to my e(vil)-mail.

Stay classy,

-Crimson Nematode.

PS. I forgot - Next post will be dealing with White Skulls turn coat behaviour. This fall from (or too) grace of one of my trusted equals has not gone unnoticed.

The room was dark and musty.

The blinds were closed.

The Crimson Nematode sat at his desk, fingers tensed, staring in front of his monitor. His email inbox empty, his challenge ignored.

“Huh.” He muttered to himself as he stood up, the dust that had settled upon the shoulders of his Italian suit finally stirring off of him in a choking cloud of particulate, “I don’t think Foxfire’s going to respond, is she, Donald?” The Crimson Nematode asked as he peered over to where he last saw his trusted assistant; all that was there now was a skeleton wearing Donald’s suit and a web spider-webs.

“Crap, it has been awhile since I fed you, hasn’t it?” He said to no one in particular as he nudged Donald’s skull with the end of his shoe. He vaguely remembered Donald doubling over at one point, and trying to weakly eat his own tie at another, but he wasn’t exactly sure what happened.


Walking over to the giant glass window that occupied most of his presidential office, The Crimson Nematode drew the blinds. The parking lot was empty; his team of Action Interns, mad scientists and Enraged Accountants had probably all left to join up other, evil conglomerates.



“Guess I should have kept paying them.” Nematode muttered to himself as he folded his arms across his chest, “Or at very least broken their legs so they couldn’t escape.”

He bit his lower lip slightly as he pondered his next move, and then pondered the next seven possible moves.



“I need content.” He said as he snapped his fingers together. The answer was so simple; everyone knew that the corner stone of his multinational corporation was his blog. More blog posts meant more visitors, which in turn fueled him to make more blog posts, which in turn fueled the demand for Nematode Action Figurines. “This means I’ll have to get those sweatshops working at maximum capacity in no time! Donald!” Crimson Nematode exclaimed, pointing to the dry bones of his assistant, “Call the Chinese Government and order me some more slave children!”



“We’re going back to work.”

 



EPILOGUE:

"Also, gather the remaining employees, the ones who didn't starve to death or quit. We're going to Taco Bell."